i hate my dad, but i have to move with him, how can i tolerate being around him? (long please read)?

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Lexi

I don't want anything to do with my dad! I just hate him. I get sooo pissed just being in the presence of him. He's moving with his new wife soon and i have to come live with them. I don't know how im gonna handle this bs.
Heres the full story..
Ive been pretty stressed out in my life currently.
When i was 12, i was diagnosed with social anxiety and depression. My parents were the reason cause of my depression. Since my parents split in 2006, i tried to have a relationship with my mom. But nothing worked, she didn't wanna listen. I realized years later that she didn't care from the start. I didn't know at the time i was depressed inside until my dad took me to see a therapist. He signed me up for therapy cause i used to cut myself. I did it cause i was tired of my feelings being ignored by mom, and at the time my dad didn't spend much time with me anymore. I realize that he was also very depressed about the split. He would tell me his problems and talk badly about my mom. They had partial custody of me. Id see her every other week. My dad ended up getting full custody of me cause she was abusive physically and verbally. My mom didn't have any maternal instincts since i was a kid. My dad was basically like a mom and dad cause he brought me clothes and spent time with me. I still loved my mom though.
Since ive been living here with my dad the last couple of years our relationship has gotten worse. It's like we don't even have one anymore.
I remember everything just started going downhill by the time i got into high school (2011). My dad constantly would insult me, talk about me behind my back badly to his friends, wouldn't listen to my feelings and he didn't and still doesn't wanna fix our relationship.
We went to family therapy last year and he couldn't control his temper and the sessions got us nowhere. We would come home and still argue and he hates every therapist ive seen. Before we attended the sessions together he made fun of me for going there. So i stopped going :( it just hurt soo much when he says hurtful things to me.
He's been dating a woman for about 6 months and there getting married next week. He only cares for his fiance. He treats her better than ive been treated by him since i was a kid, it hurts. I feel like ive did everything i could to fix our relationship. I've talked to him millions of times, went to therapy, asked family for advise and nothing works. He's so stubborn and think everyone has a problem.
He's not there for me financially, or emotionally. I've had to get a job late last year cause he always went out to spend his money on his fiance and id have nothing to eat. Ive pretty much been on my own these last 3 years and he obviously didn't wanna raise me anymore. Hes going around saying im trying to ruin his life all cause i expressed to him my pain about this ****. I don't feel comfortable moving in with him and his fiance. They don't want me around. I don't know any other family members and i don't have any close friends to move in with.
My dad told me i can stay at our house if i can pay him rent so i agreed to it. Now he f****** says a couple days ago that he changed his mind and i have to come and live with him and his wife. My mind just went insane cause my dad and i have been debating on this for about a month and i thought he understands my pain here. I don't take this situation lightly. I've emotionally invested myself in both of my parents to get treated like crap and im done with it. We had the argument about the living arrangement a couple days ago and i just got real emotional and started crying and kept thinking thoughts of suicide. I felt like i was being stabbed in my heart and thought i want to stab him but i thought it would be better if i just killed myself. I've called the suicide hot line cause i felt like i was thinking too drastically. My mind had racing thoughts and ive been very anxious. I told my dad about myself having thoughts of suicide and he told me he won't feel guilty if i die, and he didn't do anything to make me fell this way. I think him saying that just set me off. I felt like i was going insane.The only thing that calmed me down is reading my journal and listening to music. When i think about these problems i get very anxious so i just try to keep my mind off of them. But i just can't believe my dad doesn't understand why i don't wanna live with him. I thought about going to a foster home but im gonna be 17 in 4 months and i heard its hard for teens to find a home being my age. Im gonna have to move with him but i have feelings of resentment and hate for him. I just feel like im gonna explode being around him. How can i tolerate him?

Answer
I also had anxiety around that age. When the house got stressful, I pitched a tent and camped outdoors for days on end- no one bothered me. Do you live in a state where it's still warm? or have a decent yard to that in?

check my grammar please. my exam is around the corner...?

Serra N

92, Jalan Saya,
Taman Penampang,
85700 Kota Kinabalu,
Sabah.

9 FEBRUARI 2011

Dear Uncle Muller,
Hi! How are you and your family ? I hope all of you and your family are well. Everyone here is in the pink of health. I am writing this letter to invite you, Aunt Mary and your children, Nicole and Jane to join us in a camping trip for the coming holidays.
Last week , we were passed by a place that would be a prefect campsite for the camping trip. So, it is in Taman Kawang that is in Papar. The place is not far from your house . It took about one and half an hour to reach there. The campsite is located near a town .We can take a bus ride and took only 20 minute to go to the town. There is a mini market also located in the town. This would be easier for us to buy things if thereâs any shortage of supplies.
The place for the campsite was very perfect. It was very clean and thereâs no rubbish seen along the place. Many greenery tree planted there and makes the place shady and cool with fresh air. It is also a peaceful place where thereâs no sound of noisy to be hear at there. The place is also safe with park rangers that on duty to help us . So, you and Aunt Mary do not need to worry about the childrensâ safety.
It is also equipped with a good and modern facilties. There is a tent for rent. It would cost cheaper if we rent for tent at there. So, we do not need to buy a tent for the camping trip. There is also a wonderful childrenâs playground. The children would most probably enjoy the playground and play until they tired. Toilets and shower rooms also is equipped at there.This would not be a problem to us as they has much facilities at the park.
Last but not least , there are some activities that we can do at the place. We can do trekking in the morning and swimming in the afternoon. It might be an enjoy experience as all of us can see the nature of this place. In the evening, we can do some interesting activities. Such as barbecue and games . Mother has a new recipe that she got from internet for the barbecued lamb. Itâs very delicious and tasty. Nicole and I can bring along with our Uno games to be played at there. We would compete each other to win the game.
Well, I have to stop now. Send my regards to Aunt Mary and your children. Thatâs all for now. Bye!
Your niece,
Serra

Answer
Edited:

Dear Uncle Muller,
Hi! How are you and your family? I hope you and your family are well. Everyone here is healthy and happy. I am writing this letter to invite you, Aunt Mary, and your children, Nicole and Jane, to join us in a camping trip for the coming holidays.
Last week, we passed by a place that would be a perfect campsite our camping trip. It is in Taman Kawang, Papar. It is not far from your house. It took about one hour and thirty minutes to reach the campsite. We can take a bus ride to the town that is twenty minutes from the campsite. There is a mini market located in the town. This would make it easy for us to buy things if there are any shortage of supplies.
The setting of the campsite is perfect. It was very clean and thereâs no trash in sight. There are many green trees and they make the campsite shady and cool, with fresh air! It is also a peaceful place with no noisy sounds. The place is also safe due to park rangers that are on duty to help us, so you and Aunt Mary do not need to worry about the childrensâ safety.
It is also equipped with good, modern facilties. There is a tent for rent. We do not need to buy a tent for the camping trip. It would be cheaper if we rent a tent. There is also a wonderful childrenâs playground. The children would probably enjoy the playground and play until they are tired. Toilets and shower rooms are also equipped there. This would not be a problem for us because they have plenty of facilities at the park.
Last but not least, there are some activities that we can do at the campsite. We can do trekking in the morning and swimming in the afternoon. It would be a pleasant experience for us to see the nature of this place. In the evening, we can do some interesting activities, such as barbecue and play games. Mother has a new recipe that she got from the internet for barbecued lamb. Itâs very delicious and tasty. Nicole and I can bring along our Uno games to be played there. We can compete with each other to win the game.
Well, I have to stop writing now. Send my regards to Aunt Mary and your children. Thatâs all for now. Bye!
Your niece,
Serra

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