losthouse8
I don't feel like I'm getting anything out of it.. I am feeling better, but that's because I've also been talking to one of my coworkers, and he's saying stuff that is actually making me feel better about myself. My therapist hasn't.
I've been telling my family that I think I'll be able to get better on my own, but they're telling me that that's what they thought when they were seeing a therapist, but they continued going and it eventually helped. They're saying it's too early to tell...
Is it too early to tell? Should I just stop going and try and fix this myself? It's really not that bad....
Answer
See self esteem/confidence, in section 38, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris and consider volunteering, even from home, at first. It will also provide a solid basis in reality for the daily affirmations: "I am a good person, who is valued by my community, because I ..(insert activity here).." Section 47 also refers. On volunteering outside the home, you will come into contact with supportive people, and receive positive feedback for your efforts, which will be obviously appreciated: there are many options; one is sure to suit you. Practise one of the relaxation methods on pages 2, 11, 2c, or 2i, daily, and when needed. Also, give the EFT a good tryout, to see if it helps you . Section 53, and pages 2, 2.q and 2.o at ezy-build also refer. "Even though I sometimes have low self esteem, I deeply and completely accept myself". ~~~
1. Build up your self-esteem. You must take an inventory. What do you want to improve or change about the way you interact with others? Try to make only one change at a time. Always check you progress before making another change.
2. Celebrate your journey, not your destination. Learn to always feel good about where you are now, and to exude self-confidence about anywhere you might find yourself tomorrow.
3. Set clear goals for yourself before every interaction. Know what you want. Think about how the people you will be meeting can help you reach those goals. Then decide how to approach each person accordingly. Apply this regularly and you will notice a difference.
4. Be proactive. Take the initiative. Be decisive. Let the other person know exactly how he or she can help you. Proactive people tent to be more successful in their career.
5. Treat each person you meet as if she or he is truly important. (You'll be amazed how this works.)
6. Give a firm handshake; look the other person straight in the eye. Practice both of these. Your handshake should be just right. Not too firm and not too loose. Train yourself to notice something you like or find attractive in the person.
7. Listen! Listen! Listen! Teach yourself to develop good listening skills. Learn a way to remember the other person's name. If in doubt simply ask for the name again 2 or 3 sentences into the conversation. [ AND MINE: USE THEIR NAME FOR A WHILE, OFTEN, AT FIRST, SO IT HAS A BETTER CHANCE OF MAKING THE TRANSITION FROM SHORT TERM, TO LONG TERM MEMORY. FOR EXAMPLE: "What sort of things are you interested in, Mordecai? I like archery, and train spotting, but am no longer combining the two." next: "I'm from Upper Volta, Mordecai, Where are you from, originally?" READ SECTION 41, AT EZY BUILD, FOR MORE MEMORY TIPS.]
8. Visibly respond to the other person. Smile, nod agreement, and address him or her by name. Apply all you listening skills to visibly respond. The body language is the most important part of a conversation. Practice, practice, practiceâ¦
9. Pay more attention to the other person than to yourself. Are you responding to what may be going on in his or her life? Don't filter out bad news. Put yourself in the other person's shoes. Be caring.
10. Stay "in the moment." Don't mentally cut off the other person. Don't reload while he or she is speaking. What this means is that you need to focus on the other person 100% during a conversation. Anything less is considered rude. ~~~ Here is an exercise that can help you. It is called "Act as If." When you are in a social situation, act as if you are confident, and outgoing. Talk more, smile at everyone, ask questions, speak in a normal or excited tone, not a meek tone. Watch some of your outgoing peers, and imitate the style of their social behavior.
Research shows that when you "act as if" continually, your image of yourself begins to conform to your new behavior. In this case, you will gain self-esteem and self-confidence. You will become more socially successful, and this will motivate you to continue your new social behavior until it becomes a habit. ~~~ 1. Like yourself
The first step in becoming more confident is to accept and like yourself. You should make a list of all your positive traits and strengths on a piece of paper or in your diary. By doing this, you are reminding yourself that you too have praise-worthy qualities like others. You will like yourself and feel confident about yourself after this.
2. Attend Seminars
It is good if you attend seminars where professional speakers offer you tips and guidance on gaining confidence. During the speech, you can even pick up tips on public speaking from the speakers by watching their body language and the way they project themselves.
3. Motivate yourself
Whether it is for an interview or for a presentation, tell yourself that you can do it. Motivate yourself each day and soon you will find your confidence level growing. Another good way for motivation is that after work or study each day you should make a list of at least four things that you did well for that day.
4. Overcome fears
Some people always have a fear that they can never be successful in anything they do. Such insecurity will be a disadvantage and would cause you to lack confidence in yourself and in everything you do in your life. So in order for you to get rid of this fear you have to remind yourself that if you havenât try something you can never say that you will fail in it. Be positive and try things without any fear or insecurity. For example at work your boss is asking you to head a team but you fear that you will make a mess out of it. Such a fear will prevent you from taking on that task at work. But if you were a confident person you wouldnât think twice about failing and would gladly take on that task. This shows that a lack of confidence could also affect your career.
5. Accept Failures
If you are always crying over the mistakes that you made in your life, you will never get anywhere. Always remember that past mistakes and failures cannot be reversed and whatâs done is done. Thus it is no use crying over spilt milk. A confident individual always looks past those failures in his life. After all, failures are just part and parcel of becoming successful. If you failed once you should take that failure as a learning lesson. Consider seeing someone else. THERAPISTS: Closely examine the http://1-800-therapist.com website, and use the locators, in section 1, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris and phone book. Personally, I'd opt for a psychologist who believes in only recommending minimal necessary medication, if at all, because they don't issue prescriptions, so are considerably less likely to be involved with the rewards, and inducements offered by sales reps from "big pharma": the large drug companies, to psychiatrists (there are links to, or articles on how psychiatry has become corrupted by money from drug companies, and "how doctors are being manipulated", in section 1: worth reading!). It's important to not only feel comfortable with your therapist, but also to know about their qualifications, and the type of therapy used (read section 1). Some people are in therapy for many years, and pay a small fortune in fees, so recognise that therapists may have a vested interest in keeping their patients coming back. It pays the rent, and permits them to feel that they are fulfilling a useful function in life. For this reason, I believe that, unless there is a need for a specific type of therapy, such as Dialectical Behavio(u)ral Therapy, for Borderline Personality Disorder, or EMDR therapy, for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, it is a good idea to start out with a psychologist who uses Cognitive Behavio(u)ral Therapy, which often can accomplish all it is capable of, in 6 months, and to fix that time limit in the first session. In that way, the therapist knows that there is only a limited window of opportuntiy to do what they can, and there is no unconscious motivation to attempt to draw things out. If, at the end of that time, you believe you could benefit from a little more therapy, then you can extend it, but I'd advise the therapist a few weeks before the final session, in case they are considering taking on a new patient, leaving you "high, and dry" committed, and without options, except to find someone else. Learn to assess, and rate your therapist, after a while: sometimes it's better to move on, and find someone who you feel can help you more, but not if you've just reached an unpleasant part of the therapy, which part of you would rather avoid.
See self esteem/confidence, in section 38, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris and consider volunteering, even from home, at first. It will also provide a solid basis in reality for the daily affirmations: "I am a good person, who is valued by my community, because I ..(insert activity here).." Section 47 also refers. On volunteering outside the home, you will come into contact with supportive people, and receive positive feedback for your efforts, which will be obviously appreciated: there are many options; one is sure to suit you. Practise one of the relaxation methods on pages 2, 11, 2c, or 2i, daily, and when needed. Also, give the EFT a good tryout, to see if it helps you . Section 53, and pages 2, 2.q and 2.o at ezy-build also refer. "Even though I sometimes have low self esteem, I deeply and completely accept myself". ~~~
1. Build up your self-esteem. You must take an inventory. What do you want to improve or change about the way you interact with others? Try to make only one change at a time. Always check you progress before making another change.
2. Celebrate your journey, not your destination. Learn to always feel good about where you are now, and to exude self-confidence about anywhere you might find yourself tomorrow.
3. Set clear goals for yourself before every interaction. Know what you want. Think about how the people you will be meeting can help you reach those goals. Then decide how to approach each person accordingly. Apply this regularly and you will notice a difference.
4. Be proactive. Take the initiative. Be decisive. Let the other person know exactly how he or she can help you. Proactive people tent to be more successful in their career.
5. Treat each person you meet as if she or he is truly important. (You'll be amazed how this works.)
6. Give a firm handshake; look the other person straight in the eye. Practice both of these. Your handshake should be just right. Not too firm and not too loose. Train yourself to notice something you like or find attractive in the person.
7. Listen! Listen! Listen! Teach yourself to develop good listening skills. Learn a way to remember the other person's name. If in doubt simply ask for the name again 2 or 3 sentences into the conversation. [ AND MINE: USE THEIR NAME FOR A WHILE, OFTEN, AT FIRST, SO IT HAS A BETTER CHANCE OF MAKING THE TRANSITION FROM SHORT TERM, TO LONG TERM MEMORY. FOR EXAMPLE: "What sort of things are you interested in, Mordecai? I like archery, and train spotting, but am no longer combining the two." next: "I'm from Upper Volta, Mordecai, Where are you from, originally?" READ SECTION 41, AT EZY BUILD, FOR MORE MEMORY TIPS.]
8. Visibly respond to the other person. Smile, nod agreement, and address him or her by name. Apply all you listening skills to visibly respond. The body language is the most important part of a conversation. Practice, practice, practiceâ¦
9. Pay more attention to the other person than to yourself. Are you responding to what may be going on in his or her life? Don't filter out bad news. Put yourself in the other person's shoes. Be caring.
10. Stay "in the moment." Don't mentally cut off the other person. Don't reload while he or she is speaking. What this means is that you need to focus on the other person 100% during a conversation. Anything less is considered rude. ~~~ Here is an exercise that can help you. It is called "Act as If." When you are in a social situation, act as if you are confident, and outgoing. Talk more, smile at everyone, ask questions, speak in a normal or excited tone, not a meek tone. Watch some of your outgoing peers, and imitate the style of their social behavior.
Research shows that when you "act as if" continually, your image of yourself begins to conform to your new behavior. In this case, you will gain self-esteem and self-confidence. You will become more socially successful, and this will motivate you to continue your new social behavior until it becomes a habit. ~~~ 1. Like yourself
The first step in becoming more confident is to accept and like yourself. You should make a list of all your positive traits and strengths on a piece of paper or in your diary. By doing this, you are reminding yourself that you too have praise-worthy qualities like others. You will like yourself and feel confident about yourself after this.
2. Attend Seminars
It is good if you attend seminars where professional speakers offer you tips and guidance on gaining confidence. During the speech, you can even pick up tips on public speaking from the speakers by watching their body language and the way they project themselves.
3. Motivate yourself
Whether it is for an interview or for a presentation, tell yourself that you can do it. Motivate yourself each day and soon you will find your confidence level growing. Another good way for motivation is that after work or study each day you should make a list of at least four things that you did well for that day.
4. Overcome fears
Some people always have a fear that they can never be successful in anything they do. Such insecurity will be a disadvantage and would cause you to lack confidence in yourself and in everything you do in your life. So in order for you to get rid of this fear you have to remind yourself that if you havenât try something you can never say that you will fail in it. Be positive and try things without any fear or insecurity. For example at work your boss is asking you to head a team but you fear that you will make a mess out of it. Such a fear will prevent you from taking on that task at work. But if you were a confident person you wouldnât think twice about failing and would gladly take on that task. This shows that a lack of confidence could also affect your career.
5. Accept Failures
If you are always crying over the mistakes that you made in your life, you will never get anywhere. Always remember that past mistakes and failures cannot be reversed and whatâs done is done. Thus it is no use crying over spilt milk. A confident individual always looks past those failures in his life. After all, failures are just part and parcel of becoming successful. If you failed once you should take that failure as a learning lesson. Consider seeing someone else. THERAPISTS: Closely examine the http://1-800-therapist.com website, and use the locators, in section 1, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris and phone book. Personally, I'd opt for a psychologist who believes in only recommending minimal necessary medication, if at all, because they don't issue prescriptions, so are considerably less likely to be involved with the rewards, and inducements offered by sales reps from "big pharma": the large drug companies, to psychiatrists (there are links to, or articles on how psychiatry has become corrupted by money from drug companies, and "how doctors are being manipulated", in section 1: worth reading!). It's important to not only feel comfortable with your therapist, but also to know about their qualifications, and the type of therapy used (read section 1). Some people are in therapy for many years, and pay a small fortune in fees, so recognise that therapists may have a vested interest in keeping their patients coming back. It pays the rent, and permits them to feel that they are fulfilling a useful function in life. For this reason, I believe that, unless there is a need for a specific type of therapy, such as Dialectical Behavio(u)ral Therapy, for Borderline Personality Disorder, or EMDR therapy, for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, it is a good idea to start out with a psychologist who uses Cognitive Behavio(u)ral Therapy, which often can accomplish all it is capable of, in 6 months, and to fix that time limit in the first session. In that way, the therapist knows that there is only a limited window of opportuntiy to do what they can, and there is no unconscious motivation to attempt to draw things out. If, at the end of that time, you believe you could benefit from a little more therapy, then you can extend it, but I'd advise the therapist a few weeks before the final session, in case they are considering taking on a new patient, leaving you "high, and dry" committed, and without options, except to find someone else. Learn to assess, and rate your therapist, after a while: sometimes it's better to move on, and find someone who you feel can help you more, but not if you've just reached an unpleasant part of the therapy, which part of you would rather avoid.
Women of GS what is your dream vacation?
Astro
Where would you love to go? If you've already been on your dream vacation where was it and what did you do?
Thank you for answering. :)
Emo man and White man I never read your comments, I always give them a thumbs down once I see your avatar (which is always the first thing I see), so don't even bother next time.
Answer
Camping in New Zealand. I'm not normal a very active or outdoorsy person, but I guess that's why it'd be a novelty and an exciting trip. It seems like every time I see a visually stunning film, that's where it was shot (Lord of the Rings, Narnia, etc.). I just have to see it. Plus, NZ has no natural predators. No bears, coyotes, poisonous snakes/insects, etc. The most you'd have to worry about while camping would be birds nicking your cameras. All of those waterfalls, forests, mountains, volcanoes... I'd love to just put up a big tent and a clothesline, make a fire pit, set out a table, and just forget about the modern world for a good 2 weeks. Heaven.
Second best vacation: Christmas in St. Petersburg, Russia (which is actually on January 7th because of their Orthodox calendar, so you'd still get to be with your family for "real" Christmas). I've heard it's stunning. Cold lol, but stunning. And really, who doesn't want cold & snow on Christmas?
Third option (just for fun haha): historic tour of Washington, D.C. I'd love to see the Capitol Building, the Supreme Court, the Smithsonian Museums, the Lincoln Memorial, etc. And of course try out one of their many famous pubs ;)
Camping in New Zealand. I'm not normal a very active or outdoorsy person, but I guess that's why it'd be a novelty and an exciting trip. It seems like every time I see a visually stunning film, that's where it was shot (Lord of the Rings, Narnia, etc.). I just have to see it. Plus, NZ has no natural predators. No bears, coyotes, poisonous snakes/insects, etc. The most you'd have to worry about while camping would be birds nicking your cameras. All of those waterfalls, forests, mountains, volcanoes... I'd love to just put up a big tent and a clothesline, make a fire pit, set out a table, and just forget about the modern world for a good 2 weeks. Heaven.
Second best vacation: Christmas in St. Petersburg, Russia (which is actually on January 7th because of their Orthodox calendar, so you'd still get to be with your family for "real" Christmas). I've heard it's stunning. Cold lol, but stunning. And really, who doesn't want cold & snow on Christmas?
Third option (just for fun haha): historic tour of Washington, D.C. I'd love to see the Capitol Building, the Supreme Court, the Smithsonian Museums, the Lincoln Memorial, etc. And of course try out one of their many famous pubs ;)
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