camping car occasion 7 place image
Mhaith
I'm at my wit's end here, and this is not the first, nor the only place I have looked for help, but I am desperate and need advice. My apologies for the long explanation, but I want people to have the full story so that any advice I get is helpful (hopefully).
My wife and I have 7 children, 3 boys/4 girls. This question is regarding our youngest, and 3rd son, who is 16. He is not like our other children. I have long had my suspicions (since shortly after his birth) that he is not my biological child, as he was conceived right around the time my wife and I had a short separation to work out some marital issues, and he bears a VERY strong resemblance to this drunken dirtball politician my wife knew in passing from her work, and if ANYONE would sleep with another man's wife, it was this SOB. My "son" looks like he could have come straight out of one of their family albums, and I don't think I'm being paranoid. Total strangers have told us he looks like a member this man's family.
Even more disturbing, is that this child, in spite of being raised exactly like my other 6 children, appears to have no conscience, and no fear of anything, and he is extremely immoral and rebellious. The stress of dealing with him is going to be the death of my wife and I. I am not exaggerating. Let me just give you a few examples of the things he has done. I have had to pay for no less than THREE abortions for various girls he has randomly slept with. We are Catholic. This is completely against our beliefs, but the parents of the girls were furious and at this point I feel like I am faced with a choice between raising an army of his illegitimate offspring, or having him neutered. I don't know what I'll do if I get another call like that. He also drinks, no matter how we try to prevent it and talk him out of it, punish him, you name it. He also smokes pot, as I have found pipes and lighters in his room. He has stolen our cars on numerous occasions, and completely totaled one of them driving it completely drunk after some party. He flipped it, going about 80 on this little road in bad weather and nearly killed the other kids in the car. And NO PUNISHMENT SCARES HIM. With my other children, I can give them a certain "look" and they will know they've gone too far. With him, I can (and regrettably, I have) slam him up against a wall, thrash him around, hit him with my belt, scream, threaten him, lock him in his room, take everything away from him, etc., and no matter what I do, he is utterly unfazed and just carries on as if nothing has happened at all.
I will say, he isn't particularly rude or nasty to us. He does show remorse, but not fear. I can be pinning him to the wall by his shirt, yelling at the top of my lungs in his face, and he won't bat an eye. He will say he's sorry and then go right back to what he was doing before. He has always been this way, but when he became a teenager, it increased a thousand fold and I am at a loss here. What do I do? Just give up on him? Please advise.
I have called the police on him (just to try to put the fear of God in him, or at least the fear of jail) and he charmed his way out of it. He wasn't even frightened by that. The police were patting him on the back and looking at me like I was a bad father. I don't want to send him to a boot camp or whatever you call those things because I worry it will just make him worse. Hanging around with people like that is bound to be a bad influence. He's doing bad enough things with the decent kids from his private school. I can't imagine what he would do if he joined a gang of delinquents.
Answer
There are a number of things you can do. First, lay off the slamming him up against a wall and spankings and such You've seen it doesn't work. It just shows him that he can get you to lose control, and he probably gets some satisfaction out of that.
Instead, you need some parenting classes, both you and your wife, so you can learn how to parent him. You don't mention her at all; I wonder how she's taking this.
I think you should also talk to your wife about your suspicious about his conception. Since you're Catholic, you can talk to your priest about this, too. Or you can just get a DNA test and see for yourself. But frankly, I would talk to your wife. It may be that your anger about this situation is causing you to look at your son differently (yes, he's your son, you're the father raising him, whether it was your sperm or not), and that's affecting his behavior. You can't change his DNA, but you can get counseling to change your reaction to it.
You can also rethink rescuing him when he gets in trouble. You've been paying for these abortions when he gets a girl pregnant and that's against your religion. So is there a different option? Maybe you should consider telling him that next time, he's on his own, and he can see what it's like to either work for the money or to have to pay child support for 18 years? Or at least tell him to work off the money you pay?
If you're paying for private school, I would definitely suggest paying for counseling for him, and family counseling for both of you. You may not be able to fix hm, but you can fix your reaction to him.
I'd also suggest sending him on Outward Bound. It may help. It's not a boot camp, but it does teach people personal responsibility and working as a team. They have one and two month courses if you can afford it, but even a three-day course might help.
You can also look into sending him to an all-boys boarding school. At least it will remove some of the ways he's been meeting girls and seducing them. It doesn't have to be a boot camp type of place, but it will take him away from you, and clearly your interactions are toxic.
Don't have liquor in your house, and look into ignition locks for your cars.
Finally, you might have him evaluated by a psychiatrist. He may have borderline personality disorder or even sociopathology. Then there might be some treatment for him.
It may be hard to believe, but he's probably just as unhappy as you are.
There are a number of things you can do. First, lay off the slamming him up against a wall and spankings and such You've seen it doesn't work. It just shows him that he can get you to lose control, and he probably gets some satisfaction out of that.
Instead, you need some parenting classes, both you and your wife, so you can learn how to parent him. You don't mention her at all; I wonder how she's taking this.
I think you should also talk to your wife about your suspicious about his conception. Since you're Catholic, you can talk to your priest about this, too. Or you can just get a DNA test and see for yourself. But frankly, I would talk to your wife. It may be that your anger about this situation is causing you to look at your son differently (yes, he's your son, you're the father raising him, whether it was your sperm or not), and that's affecting his behavior. You can't change his DNA, but you can get counseling to change your reaction to it.
You can also rethink rescuing him when he gets in trouble. You've been paying for these abortions when he gets a girl pregnant and that's against your religion. So is there a different option? Maybe you should consider telling him that next time, he's on his own, and he can see what it's like to either work for the money or to have to pay child support for 18 years? Or at least tell him to work off the money you pay?
If you're paying for private school, I would definitely suggest paying for counseling for him, and family counseling for both of you. You may not be able to fix hm, but you can fix your reaction to him.
I'd also suggest sending him on Outward Bound. It may help. It's not a boot camp, but it does teach people personal responsibility and working as a team. They have one and two month courses if you can afford it, but even a three-day course might help.
You can also look into sending him to an all-boys boarding school. At least it will remove some of the ways he's been meeting girls and seducing them. It doesn't have to be a boot camp type of place, but it will take him away from you, and clearly your interactions are toxic.
Don't have liquor in your house, and look into ignition locks for your cars.
Finally, you might have him evaluated by a psychiatrist. He may have borderline personality disorder or even sociopathology. Then there might be some treatment for him.
It may be hard to believe, but he's probably just as unhappy as you are.
Has Japan apologized for pearl harbor?
L
The U.S. has apologized for the atomic bombs on Japan and for the Japanese internment camps in the US during WWII, I'm wondering, has Japan apologized to the US for Pearl Harbor and the abusing and starving to death of American POW's? I'm also wandering if it has apologized to SE Asian nations for it's brutal abuse on them, and to China for countless invasions and deaths. I dont know, so that's why I'm asking. And if they haven't, then WTF is wrong with them???
Yes, the US apopogized for slavery in the 70's.
this is to city girl: after WWII, the US apopogized to Japan and asked if it could compensate it for Hiroshima and Nagasaki, in compensation, the Japanese asked for American scientists to go and teach the japanese, so its actually US that gave them the technology that helped them become who they are today.
To YC: Actually, 62 million people died in WWII, principal culprits: JAPAN, GERMANY, the atom bomb killed just over 200,000, I think Japan killed WAY more people with it's armies, than the atom bombs did.
Answer
The following op-ed appeared in the San Jose Mercury News on Saturday, December 7, 1991, under the headline "Fifty years ago, the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor: Many nations caused World War II â so who whould apologize to whom?" It was prompted by what I saw as a misguided effort to assess blame. Many Americans felt this anniversary was an appropriate time for Japan to issue a formal apology for what we saw as a dastardly sneak attack that plunged half the world into war. This led some Japanese, and some Americans as well, to call for America to apologize for what they saw as an unwarranted attack on the civilian populations of Hiroshima and Nagasaki with weapons of mass destruction. Both sides had a point, but in my opinion, both sides also missed the point. Hence this article explaining my view.
Thoughts on the 50th Anniversary of Pearl Harbor
Martin E. Hellman
Many years ago when my daughters were small, the younger one asked the older, "In a civil war, the two sides are the same country. So which is the good one?" The older one thought a minute before the solution dawned on her, "The one that wins." She was too small to understand the full wisdom of her answer, but children have an uncanny knack for cutting to the core of truth.
The 50th anniversary of Pearl Harbor has been an occasion for assessing blame. Do the Japanese owe us an apology for the 2,400 Americans killed at Pearl Harbor? If so, do we owe them an apology for the 115,000 men, women and children killed at Hiroshima and Nagasaki? The general sentiment in this country seems to be that they owe us an apology, but we don't owe them one. That is normal, but a big mistake.
In the new era of global interdependence, every war is a civil war of brother fighting against brother to their mutual detriment. Now, as then, the winner in a civil war gets to write the history books and become the good guy. But also now, as then, the loser chafes under the unfair stigma and humiliation and waits his chance for revenge. It is no coincidence that Hitler had France's 1940 surrender take place in the same railway car that witnessed the signing of Germany's humiliating defeat in 1918.
In our quest for designation as righteous warrior against Japan (and Germany), for 50 years we have been setting up a similar rematch. The recent rise in virulent Japanese nationalism and militarism is an ominous sign that history may be about to repeat itself.
One of my colleagues, either crazy or prescient, thinks it will be a shooting war. But even "merely" an economic war will take a heavy toll on both sides. There are already signs that we Americans are paying a heavy price for enjoying what has traditionally been one of the fruits of victory â writing history to our benefit, thereby humiliating our opponent.
Admittedly, we have been kinder this time around than in earlier wars, but we are still far from honest and fair. On the surface, Germany and Japan are to blame for World War II. They were militaristic and warlike, and they attacked first. But, if we look deeper, we find sources of blame which we have minimized:
* France, Britain and the United States forced a humiliating defeat and impossible economic reparations on,Germany in 1918, even though it was no more responsible for starting World War I than many others.
* Both the Chinese Nationalists and Communists refused to recognize that some goals of the other side were reasonable. Instead, they fought a debilitating civil war that left a power vacuum in Manchuria that was filled by warlords and bandits. This gave the Japanese a basis for "sending the Marines to restore order" and protect Japanese business interests.
* The colonial powers subjugated much of Asia, allowing Japan the illusion that its "Greater East Asia Co-prosperity Sphere" was Asians liberating Asians from Caucasian domination and racism. America of the 1930s was an openly racist nation, prone to an earlier form of Japan bashing.
This list could be extended and supplemented with equally long lists for Japan, Germany, Hungary, Russia and every other nation involved in the war.
So who should apologize to whom? Certainly, no nation should be humiliated into an apology. Forced apologies are hollow and short-lived, and no nation speaks with a single voice. Assessing blame for the last war only leads to the next.
Rather, let those among us who are secure enough to recognize that all humans are fallible come forward and apologize for their own mistakes. If enough of us find that nobility of spirit, just maybe there will be no next war for which to apologize.
The following op-ed appeared in the San Jose Mercury News on Saturday, December 7, 1991, under the headline "Fifty years ago, the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor: Many nations caused World War II â so who whould apologize to whom?" It was prompted by what I saw as a misguided effort to assess blame. Many Americans felt this anniversary was an appropriate time for Japan to issue a formal apology for what we saw as a dastardly sneak attack that plunged half the world into war. This led some Japanese, and some Americans as well, to call for America to apologize for what they saw as an unwarranted attack on the civilian populations of Hiroshima and Nagasaki with weapons of mass destruction. Both sides had a point, but in my opinion, both sides also missed the point. Hence this article explaining my view.
Thoughts on the 50th Anniversary of Pearl Harbor
Martin E. Hellman
Many years ago when my daughters were small, the younger one asked the older, "In a civil war, the two sides are the same country. So which is the good one?" The older one thought a minute before the solution dawned on her, "The one that wins." She was too small to understand the full wisdom of her answer, but children have an uncanny knack for cutting to the core of truth.
The 50th anniversary of Pearl Harbor has been an occasion for assessing blame. Do the Japanese owe us an apology for the 2,400 Americans killed at Pearl Harbor? If so, do we owe them an apology for the 115,000 men, women and children killed at Hiroshima and Nagasaki? The general sentiment in this country seems to be that they owe us an apology, but we don't owe them one. That is normal, but a big mistake.
In the new era of global interdependence, every war is a civil war of brother fighting against brother to their mutual detriment. Now, as then, the winner in a civil war gets to write the history books and become the good guy. But also now, as then, the loser chafes under the unfair stigma and humiliation and waits his chance for revenge. It is no coincidence that Hitler had France's 1940 surrender take place in the same railway car that witnessed the signing of Germany's humiliating defeat in 1918.
In our quest for designation as righteous warrior against Japan (and Germany), for 50 years we have been setting up a similar rematch. The recent rise in virulent Japanese nationalism and militarism is an ominous sign that history may be about to repeat itself.
One of my colleagues, either crazy or prescient, thinks it will be a shooting war. But even "merely" an economic war will take a heavy toll on both sides. There are already signs that we Americans are paying a heavy price for enjoying what has traditionally been one of the fruits of victory â writing history to our benefit, thereby humiliating our opponent.
Admittedly, we have been kinder this time around than in earlier wars, but we are still far from honest and fair. On the surface, Germany and Japan are to blame for World War II. They were militaristic and warlike, and they attacked first. But, if we look deeper, we find sources of blame which we have minimized:
* France, Britain and the United States forced a humiliating defeat and impossible economic reparations on,Germany in 1918, even though it was no more responsible for starting World War I than many others.
* Both the Chinese Nationalists and Communists refused to recognize that some goals of the other side were reasonable. Instead, they fought a debilitating civil war that left a power vacuum in Manchuria that was filled by warlords and bandits. This gave the Japanese a basis for "sending the Marines to restore order" and protect Japanese business interests.
* The colonial powers subjugated much of Asia, allowing Japan the illusion that its "Greater East Asia Co-prosperity Sphere" was Asians liberating Asians from Caucasian domination and racism. America of the 1930s was an openly racist nation, prone to an earlier form of Japan bashing.
This list could be extended and supplemented with equally long lists for Japan, Germany, Hungary, Russia and every other nation involved in the war.
So who should apologize to whom? Certainly, no nation should be humiliated into an apology. Forced apologies are hollow and short-lived, and no nation speaks with a single voice. Assessing blame for the last war only leads to the next.
Rather, let those among us who are secure enough to recognize that all humans are fallible come forward and apologize for their own mistakes. If enough of us find that nobility of spirit, just maybe there will be no next war for which to apologize.
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